Nov 192014
 

I learned that Joseph Smith had many wives when I was in seminary at Provo High School in the 1970’s. It bothered me, but I figured if the Church is true we would just have to accept certain doctrines whether we liked them or not or understood them or not. It was the same with the teaching that Heavenly Father came down and had sexual intercourse with Mary, the mother of Jesus. I clearly remember sitting in my seminary class in 10th grade. The teacher said that Jesus was the “literal” son of Heavenly father and was conceived in the same way that the rest of us were. I was mortified. Just to clarify and make sure I understood him correctly, I went up after class and asked,

“Brother Tanner, are you saying that…well, you know…that Heavenly Father came down and, well, you know,” I felt my cheeks turning red, “that he ‘did it’ with Mary?”

“That’s right,” the teacher replied. “But there was nothing immoral about it. Mary was set apart as one of Heavenly Father’s wives in the preexistence.”

“But What about Joseph?” My mind was reeling. That poor man! Spending his life with Mary for “time only,” while in the eternities she would be given back to Heavenly Father.

“We don’t have to worry about that,” Brother Tanner said. “It will all be worked out when this life is over.”

My eyes welled up with tears, and as soon as I got out the door of the seminary building I ran across the lawn behind the school, weeping. “How can this be?” I cried out in silent prayer. “Heavenly Father, please help me understand!” The thought that maybe the Church wasn’t true struck me, and I was suddenly gripped with fear. What if I had made the biggest mistake of my life by becoming a Mormon?

For days I was in turmoil. Fast & Testimony Meeting Sunday approached, and when it came I heard affirmation after affirmation by all the people I respected as they testified of the truthfulness of the gospel. I felt comforted at last. I decided to put Jesus’ conception on a mental shelf tucked carefully away in the back of my mind. If the Church was true then all the things I didn’t understand at present would be sorted out in the afterlife. Polygamy was one of those issues.

The seminary program rotated the curriculum over a four-year period, so from ninth through twelfth grades students would learn about the Book of Mormon, Doctrine & Covenants/Pearl of Great Price, Old Testament, and New Testament. During the year we studied the D&C I learned about Joseph Smith’s polygamy and how Emma had a hard time coming to terms with it. I was taught that Joseph himself was loathe to take on other wives, but that an angel with a drawn flaming sword threatened to take his life if he didn’t obey God and live the principle of plural marriage. I felt sorry for him and Emma both.

Over the years we didn’t hear much about Joseph Smith’s polygamy. The knowledge of it was always bubbling under the surface, and on the rare occasions when it was brought up in a Sunday school or Relief Society lesson it was always spoken in somber and reverential tones. If the Prophet Joseph Smith wasn’t too happy about having to have more than one wife, then we shouldn’t be happy discussing it. That was our inference.

Brigham Young and his 50-something wives was a different story altogether. It was almost an enjoyable narrative to discuss, as it was easy to imagine President Young compassionately marrying as many pioneer widows as possible, whose husbands had perished on the plains. Of course, I secretly harbored the thought that he could have just provided for them instead of marrying them, which would have been the nobler thing to do; giving to someone that you know can’t give back. Otherwise it appeared too gauche: I’ll take care of you as long as you put out once every 53 days.

I knew a lot about the Church’s history and the foibles of its leaders. I knew they weren’t perfect and didn’t expect them to be. Maybe a cut above the rest of us; after all, they were so valiant in the preexistence that they were sent down to earth to be the great leaders of The Restoration. The Church told us not to expect perfection from its leaders, although we were warned never to speak ill of them. The truth was they were human too. But that’s only half the story.

It wasn’t the half-truths (the half that I was told) that made me leave the Church. It was the other half, the untold half that caused me to realize that Mormonism is not the Way, the Truth, and the Life that leads to reconciliation with God. The Mormon Church, for all the good it may have done over the last couple centuries, is simply a religion that began in the imagination of a man named Joseph Smith and evolved into a massive organization ran by men whose ideals got confused somewhere along the way.

The history shows that Mormonism was never based on truth. It began with a con about Gold Plates that (conveniently) got taken up to heaven, that were never actually seen by the physical eyes of the Three Witnesses, but rather with their “spiritual eyes” (in other words they imagined it).

You see, as members of the Church we were told one thing, but the reality was another.

  • The Urim and Thummim? Smith buried his face in his hat.
  • The angel Moroni? The original story was the angel Nephi.
  • Joseph had a few wives? 40 to be exact, including a 14-year-old and other men’s wives.
  • The Temple Ceremony? Lifted from the Masons.
  • American Indians descended from Jews? DNA proves otherwise.
  • Book of Abraham written by the Patriarch Abraham himself? Uh, not.
  • Early Mormons persecuted? Yes, after doing some pretty horrendous things first.

I didn’t leave the Church because of the things I was taught; I left over the things I wasn’t. When I found out the details they weren’t telling me, they denied it despite the evidence, like a five year old insisting he didn’t get into the cookies when there are crumbs all over his shirt and remnants of chocolate chips in his teeth. And when I got the courage to point out that “the emperor had no clothes,” they demonized me and threatened to excommunicate me simply for speaking the truth.

To those Mormons who are now questioning, whose faith has been shaken, I implore you to do your own research. The Church lied to you about many things; how can you trust that their new “transparency” (think “Perestroika and Glasnost”) is really all that transparent?

Oct 282014
 

Lies

The expression, “There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and statistics,” made popular by Mark Twain[1] was given a twist by a judge who postulated there are three kinds of witnesses: “Liars, damned liars, and experts.”[2] Given the recent admission—or shall I say confession—by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that its founder Joseph Smith took teenage brides as young as 14, as well as married other’s men’s wives, one has to wonder what else the organization and its expert apologists have been less than forthright about.

For decades (or longer) BYU’s paid-apologists have excoriated and cast aspersions on those who vocalized concerns about or publicized accounts of Joseph Smith’s polygamous marriages, especially if the information came from non- or ex-Mormons. LDS historians who published scholarly work detailing discrepancies in the Church’s doctrines or added true color to its white-washed history have been excommunicated or disfellowshipped for their candor (example, the “September Six”).[3] Even though crow-pie should be on the menu at the Neal A. Maxwell Institute for Religious Scholarship cafeteria, the Church’s new essay entitled Plural Marriage in Nauvoo will have to do.

Up until now, the majority of devout Mormons (and more so the younger generations) were unaware that by 1844, the year Joseph Smith was killed by a mob, he had accumulated roughly 33 wives; 11 between the ages of 14 and 20, and another 11 concurrently married to other men. The leader was 38 years old when he took 14-year-old Helen Mar Kimball to wife. This was after he tried getting Helen’s father, Heber C. Kimball, to surrender his wife Vilate to him. Kimball refused, until Smith commanded him “in the name of the Lord” to do so.[4] When Kimball presented his wife to the Mormon prophet, Smith declared it was only an “Abrahamic test.” Perhaps Smith had his eye on Helen all along and figured Kimball would gladly give his daughter’s hand in marriage after nearly losing his own wife. To make the marriage proposal more attractive, the prophet promised eternal life for the Kimball family if they would accept. In Helen’s own words, Smith came to her house,

[and explained] the principle of Celestial marrage [sic]…After which he said to me, ‘If you will take this step, it will ensure your eternal salvation & exaltation and that of your father’s household & all of your kindred.’[5]

Although uncommon, it wasn’t unheard of for a 14-year old girl to marry in the 19th century; however, a 14-year-old girl marrying a 38-year-old man would certainly have raised eyebrows. As others online have observed, I, too, find it interesting that whenever LDS prophets, apostles, and apologists describe Joseph Smith at the time of his First Vision experience, it’s as:

  • A 14-year-old boy
  • Being very tender of years
  • Only 14 years old
  • Young boy
  • So young
  • Youth of 14
  • Young lad
  • A boy, a mere lad

Incongruously, Kimball is described more like an adult, marrying Smith “several months before her 15th birthday” and that “some women married in their mid-teens” (emphasis mine).[6] At least the Church is (finally) being more honest than its founder, who vehemently denied having plural wives all the while being a practicing polygamist;

What a thing it is for a man to be accused of committing adultery, and having seven wives, when I can only find one.[7]

Additionally, Smith lied repeatedly to his first wife, Emma, about his other marriages, urging his plural wives to keep secret or to participate in cover-ups. The Church speculates in its essay that not all of Smith’s marriages were consummated, somewhat akin–in my opinion–to former president Bill Clinton insisting he didn’t inhale while smoking weed. 

Two sets of sisters had been “adopted” into the Smith family as foster children when their parents died (Emily and Eliza Partridge, ages 16 and 20 respectively; and Sarah and Maria Lawrence, ages 16 and 18). Smith soon married them, unbeknownst to Emma. His first plural wife was 16-year-old Fanny Alger, who was a hired servant in the Smith home.[8] Smith’s counselor, friend, and confidante Oliver Cowdery referred to Smith’s relationship with Alger as a “dirty, filthy, nasty affair.”[9]

There are many good, reliable sources that go in-depth on the polygamous marriages of Joseph Smith. One such source is the well-documented book In Sacred Loneliness by LDS researcher Todd Compton, a practicing Latter-day Saint. Information can also be researched through the Church’s genealogy library.

My article isn’t so much to inform as it is to point out that ex-Mormons, so-called anti-Mormons and apostates have finally been vindicated. The issue of Smith’s polyandry was a deal-breaker for me when I was in the process of finding out that Mormonism wasn’t what it claimed to be. There were many troubling issues that I just couldn’t reconcile, but the fact that the revered Prophet Joseph Smith took young teenage brides and women already married to other men as his own wives was the final nail in Mormonism’s coffin. I could no longer believe he was a true prophet of God.

For the last 14 years whenever I’ve brought up Smith’s polyandry to my LDS family and friends, I’ve been told I was mistaken or misled. When I wrote about it in articles, Mormons who don’t know me have sent emails calling me not only a liar, but a damned liar at that. That hurts. It’s awful to be pitied by loved ones and scorned by strangers too scared, stubborn, or unwilling to look at the evidence. I’m not holding my breath for any apologies. Sometimes it just feels good to say “I told you so.”

References:

[1] Retrieved from http://www.twainquotes.com/Statistics.html
[2]  Attributed to Lord Young, as quoted from A Time to Keep (1934) by Dr. Halliday Sutherland.
[3] Haglund, David. The Case of the Mormon Historian. Retrieved from http://www.slate.com/articles/life/faithbased/2012/11/d_michael_quinn_and_mormon_excommunication_the_complicated_life_of_a_mormon.html
[4] Life of Heber C. Kimball. Retrieved from https://archive.org/stream/lifeofheberckimb00whitrich#page/335/mode/1up
[5] Retrieved from http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/26-HelenMarKimball.htm
[6] Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng
[7] History of the Church, Vol. 6, p. 411.
[8] http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/02-FannyAlger.htm
[9] Compton, Todd. In Sacred Loneliness. Pp. 26-28, 34-35, 38-39

Sep 042014
 

God just wants you to be happy. Did you ever hear that before? God just wants your life to be roses, ribbons, strawberry ice cream, puppies, and kittens. And a Mercedes. And a mansion in Greenwich, Connecticut’s Golden Triangle. Oh, and if you’re not moving rapidly ahead in acquiring those material “blessings,” it’s because you don’t have enough faith or because you haven’t sent in enough “seed money” to certain ministries. Yes, my friends, God’s sole reason for being is to make your life all unicorns and rainbows. If God could borrow a phrase from Chris Matthews, he might say “I feel this thrill going up my leg every time I see a happy person. If I had a leg.”

The latest absurdity coming out of Christianity’s “Prosperity Central” was Victoria Osteen’s commentary on what brings pleasure to God.

I just want to encourage every one of us to realize when we obey God; we’re not doing it for God. I mean, that’s one way to look at it, but we’re doing it for ourselves because God takes pleasure when we’re happy. That’s the thing that gives him the greatest joy this morning. I want you to know this morning, just do good for your own self. Do good ‘cos God wants you to be happy. When you come to church, when you worship him, you’re not doing it for God—really; you’re doing it for yourself, because that’s what makes God happy. Amen?[1]

The Bible tells a different story about what gives God joy. It tells of heroes and villains, saints and sinners, the rich and the poor, the healthy and the diseased, and there is a thread running through the lives of all these people and through the Biblical narrative as well. It’s that God delights in our obedience. He takes pleasure in sinners who repent and turn to Him. God’s divine purpose isn’t to make us happy and comfortable in worldly pursuits; rather, it’s to shape (conform) us to the image of his Son who submitted to the Father in all things. Let’s address four points brought up in Osteen’s remarks.

Obedience

What is the reason for obedience to Torah (God’s teachings, his instruction)? Do we obey to please God or to please ourselves? Should our motive for obedience be God-centered or self-centered? Does God want us to fill ourselves with worldly gratifications or empty ourselves of our fleshly desires?

Do nothing out of rivalry or vanity; but, in humility, regard each other as better than yourselves – look out for each other’s interests and not just for your own. Let your attitude toward one another be governed by your being in union with the Messiah Yeshua: Though he was in the form of God, he did not regard equality with God something to be possessed by force. On the contrary, he emptied himself, in that he took the form of a slave by becoming like human beings are. And when he appeared as a human being, he humbled himself still more by becoming obedient even to death… (Philippians 2:3-8, CJB).

Does ADONAI take as much pleasure in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying what ADONAI says? Surely obeying is better than sacrifice, and heeding orders than the fat of rams. (1 Samuel 15:22, CJB).

ADONAI takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who wait for his grace. (Psalm 147:4, CJB)

So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12-13, CJB)

Can obedience to God’s commandments bring us happiness? It brings something that transcends happiness. It brings us a peace—a “Shalom”—that is different from the peace offered by the world. Worldly peace is merely an absence of conflict. A person can live without external conflict and yet be in turmoil on the inside. The peace that God gives is far greater! It brings a sense of well-being and feeling God’s very presence even in the midst of external turmoil. Obedience to God should be born out of love for him; not a duty to fulfill out of expectation of reward.

Doing Good

What does Victoria Osteen mean by “just do good for your own self?” Does she mean we should treat ourselves well because we deserve it? To be fair, her husband Joel posted an article on his website about finding “somebody to be good to everyday.” He wrote, “Friend, you are never more like God than when you give. You’re never more like God than when you take time for people, than when you do something to bless someone else.”[2] Not everything that comes out of the mouths of the Osteen’s is bad or crazy or false. But usually when they do say something that goes against Biblical teachings it’s a whopper, as in the case of Victoria’s comments about doing good for self, obeying God for self, and worshiping for self. It’s a rather hedonistic approach to “living for God.”

Why should we do good deeds? Because we are God’s “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10, NASB). The purpose isn’t give-something-to-get-something. We are to do good deeds for the purpose of being light to a world darkened by sin, so that eyes and hearts will turn to God and give him praise (Matthew 5:16).

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8 NASB)

For he will pay back each one according to his deeds. To those who seek glory, honor and immortality by perseverance in doing good, he will pay back eternal life. But to those who are self-seeking, who disobey the truth and obey evil, he will pay back wrath and anger. (Romans 2:6-8)

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

And do not neglect doing good and sharing, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. (Hebrews 13:16)

Worship

God doesn’t need our worship. He is totally sufficient, secure, and fulfilled without it. That being said, true worship changes us. It changes us because it draws our hearts and thoughts toward God. It cultivates a spirit of gratitude. It venerates the One who has given us so much. Worship is a proper response to the God who sustains our every breath.

Give ADONAI his due, you who are godly; give ADONAI his due of glory and strength; give ADONAI the glory due his name; worship ADONAI in holy splendor. (Psalm 29:1-2)

A psalm of thanksgiving: Shout for joy to ADONAI, all the earth! Serve ADONAI with gladness. Enter his presence with joyful songs. Be aware that ADONAI is God; it is he who made us; and we are his, his people, the flock in his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, enter his courtyards with praise; give thanks to him, and bless his name. For ADONAI is good, his grace continues forever, and his faithfulness lasts through all generations. (Psalm 100:1-5, CJB)

Happiness

What makes God happy? One sinner that repents. Keeping his commandments. Loving justice. Showing mercy.

ADONAI takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who wait for his grace. (Psalm 147:4, CJB)

So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12-13, CJB)

Far more blessed (happy) are those who hear the word of God and obey it! (Luke 11:28)

The prosperity gospel—preached by many within Western Christianity—isn’t the “Good News” at all. It centers on self. It exalts humans by giving their words mystical power to create forces of good and evil. It feeds the lust of the eyes and pride of life by promising materialistic blessings. It induces a hunger that is never satisfied for an accumulation of wealth. It makes us slaves to our appetites.

No, God’s goal isn’t to make us happy. It’s to make us like Jesus, who set aside his own desires for that of his Father’s. He lived a life of self-sacrifice to meet the needs of others. Eventually, God will indeed bless us with everlasting happiness—his gift to those who repent and believe. But this life is one of struggle and testing, not unicorns and rainbows with pots of gold at the ends. If we don’t understand that and come to terms with it, inner peace and joy will elude us.

 

CJB= Complete Jewish Bible, translator David H. Stern

NASB= New American Standard Bible, Lockman Foundation

References:

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koIBkYl0cHk

[2] Osteen, J. (n.d.) The gift everybody needs. Joel Osteen Ministries. https://www.joelosteen.com/Pages/Article.aspx?articleid=6526

photo credit: scorpiorules58 via photopin cc

Mormon Leaders Must Become Tone Deaf

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Aug 132014
 

If Mormonism is to survive—or at least to survive well—its leaders must become “tone deaf.” Musically speaking, the last thing you want an aspiring musician to be is tone deaf. Tone deafness is not an inability to hear sound; it is the inability to distinguish pitch. Have you heard the expression “Can’t carry a tune in a bucket?” The tone deaf person has difficulty hearing the difference between high and low notes, for example, on a piano or other instrument. A tone deaf person might enjoy singing (and singing with great gusto), but will sound very…well…awful. In fact, it might even cause mental anguish to someone listening.

There are situations, however, in which a little “tone deafness” might be beneficial. Take the recent experience of a BYU-Idaho Institute teacher who resigned from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for example. The instructor, Kirk Caudle, mentioned during an online optional class discussion that the account of Brigham Young’s *transfiguration* into the likeness of deceased leader Joseph Smith was “not entirely historical.”[1] Word got back to local church leaders that Mr. Caudle essentially had stepped outside the box and did his own thinking.

Reaction was quick. Caudle was called in by the heads of the school’s religion and online learning departments for a 45-minute dressing down. Leadership had no problem with the content of Caudle’s class material; they did, however, have an issue with his “tone.” Apparently his tone did not take on an obsequious enough timbre. Consequently, BYU-Idaho did not renew his teaching contract. Historical accuracy is not part of the LDS Church-approved curriculum, and thought-provoking discussion is not allowed, unless the discussion follows pre-screened and approved talking points.

As Henrichsen reports;

When Caudle pointed out that students enjoyed his classes, he was told, “We don’t care what the students think. We just want you to teach the curriculum.”

The issue of tone goes far beyond the bounds of LDS academia. Lay members of the Church are often warned about their tone when asking questions or are instructed to “tone things down” when caught speaking in such a way as to put the Church or its leadership in a negative light. If members pursue getting answers to their questions or concerns about LDS history, doctrines, or policies, they might be threatened with disciplinary action if a particular ward or stake leader doesn’t like their tone. If their tone isn’t taken down in pitch—to, oh, say a low grovel—the threatened discipline may very well ensue.

Members of the LDS Church are not the only ones who must pass the test of tonal temperance. Non-members, ex-members, and prospective members must all undergo scrutiny to assure they are not even a half-step off pitch. Not enthusiastic enough about Mormonism? You’re too flat. Ask a probing question about Mormonism’s history or doctrines? You’re too sharp; as presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee learned when he asked if, according to LDS teachings, Jesus and Satan are spirit-brothers (the answer is yes).

A spokeswoman for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said Huckabee’s question is usually raised by those who wish to smear the Mormon faith rather than clarify doctrine.[2]

So, who are the spiritual maestros filtering the timbre of “musicians” to ascertain if they are fit to participate in the “Mormon orchestra?” Who are the so-called experts who know the hearts and minds of those asking questions, giving information, or expressing opinions? Who determines whether one is trying to get clarification on a doctrine or trying to “smear the Church?” And does it really matter what the person’s motive is, even if it’s apparent? Truth is truth, right? If a teaching, doctrine, position, or historical event of the One True Church is actually an established fact, shouldn’t it be addressed with pride and candor, or in some instances with an apology and frankness?

Considering that members are leaving the Church in numbers that are of concern to the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, perhaps a little tone-deafness would benefit the organization. Elder Marlin Jensen said at a Utah State University Fireside in November of 2011,

Maybe, since Kirtland we’ve never had a period of—I’ll call it apostasy—like we’re having right now.[3]

Instead, the Church is coming down hard on dissenters and information seekers alike. The ouster of Kate Kelly and John Dehlin[4] are recent examples, but the problem is more far-reaching than with persons of notoriety in Mormondom. Mormon missionaries are known for suddenly remembering impending “appointments” when questions by potential proselytes or street-preachers take on a tone of dissonance.

The freedom to ask questions with the expectation of receiving honest answers is foundational to a vibrant faith community. It engenders trust and builds confidence. “Coming clean,” as it were, usually garners respect from others. Perhaps the Mormon Church has too much to lose by employing candor and honest, open discourse, but it’s already losing on many fronts by its repeated resistance to transparency.

As it stands LDS leaders would “like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony,”[5] with everyone—Mormon and “gentile” alike—praising “the man who communed with Jehovah.”[6]  And since that’s as highly improbable as a bass becoming a coloratura, Mormon leaders had best hearken to the countless individuals crooning (on or off key) the chorus of Billy Joel’s hit song, “Honesty.”[7]

 

 

[1] Henrichsen, C. (2014). BYU-Idaho religion instructor leaves church. Approaching Justice. http://approachingjustice.net/2014/08/05/byu-idaho-religion-instructor-leaves-church/#comments

[2] Quaid, L. (2007). Huckabee asks if Mormons believe Jesus, Satan are brothers. Deseret News. December 11, 2007. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/695235240/Huckabee-asks-if-Mormons-believe-Jesus-Satan-are-brothers.html?pg=all

[3] Henderson, P. & Cooke, K. (2012). Special report: Mormonism besieged by the modern age. Reuters. January 31, 2012. http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/31/us-mormonchurch-idUSTRE80T1CM20120131

[4] Connor, T. (2014). Will Mormon podcast host John Dehlin be excommunicated. U.S. News. June 26, 2014. http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/will-mormon-podcast-host-john-dehlin-be-excommunicated-n139526

[5] New Seekers. (1971). Buy the world a coke.

[6] Phelps, W. (2014). Praise to the man. Hymnal. https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/praise-to-the-man?lang=eng

[7] Joel, B. (1978). Honesty. A matter of trust – the bridge to Russia. http://www.billyjoel.com/music/matter-trust-bridge-russia/honesty

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

Aug 032014
 

Knowledge is great, but when you wield it as a club to beat someone into intellectual submission it becomes a weapon of crass destruction. Have you ever had anyone finish your sentence but it wasn’t what you were going to say? Did someone ever make an assumption about you based on your appearance, age, name, gender, or religion, only it didn’t even come close to being true? Have you ever made an assumption that turned out to be wrong? How many arguments could be avoided if we just take the time to hear each other out?

On numerous occasions I’ve had someone tell me I must be really organized after finding out I homeschooled my ten children for many years. I just laugh. Me, organized? Anyone who really knows me knows that “organized” is no more in my vocabulary than “moderation.” Don’t get me wrong; I’m not against organization, it’s just that I find it incredibly unnecessary and boring. Same with moderation. If having one child is good, then having ten is better. Well, at least it’s funner. Yeehaw!

31850025

Assumptions aren’t always wrong and they’re not always out of line. You can assume I enjoy Mexican food if you see me frequenting a Mexican restaurant. In fact, you can pretty much know I like Mexican cuisine if you’ve seen me drinking the salsa right out of the dish (as I’ve been known to do on occasion; like when my husband isn’t looking).

Drinking Salsa

Knowledge is useful, and making assumptions can at times be helpful; but when it comes to deeply personal issues, like religious or political beliefs, it’s best to set one’s presuppositions aside and earnestly seek to understand the views of the individual.

I dislike being told what I believe. I didn’t like it as a Mormon, and I don’t like it as a Christian. I just bristle when I hear someone say, “All you Christians think all you have to do is say a little prayer for salvation and then you can live like the devil and still go to heaven.” No, not all Christians believe that. In fact, very few—at least that I’ve met—believe that. I, personally, don’t know of any.

As a Mormon it used to bother me when someone would say that Mormons believe that there are six-foot-tall Quaker-looking people living on the moon (Young Woman’s Journal, vol. 3, 1892). Well, to be fair, I actually did believe that there could be people living on the moon, but they probably didn’t dress like Quakers and some of them could have been short. But still. I hated being told what I believed when maybe I really didn’t.

My LDS sister-in-law recently told me that a few years ago her neighbor—a pastor—spent a couple hours telling her what Mormons believed. As she listened to his speech (apparently he did most of the talking), she kept thinking, I’ve never heard that. I don’t believe that. That’s new to me. That’s not taught in our church. She was shocked at some of the things her neighbor insisted she believed.

I remember when I was first taught in LDS seminary in 10th grade that Heavenly Father had sexual relations with Mary for Jesus to be conceived (Mormon Doctrine, p. 546-547, 742; Family Home Evenings Manual, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1972, p. 125-126; and other references). I was horrified! I left class in tears. Eventually the thought was so repugnant to me that as an adult I refused to believe it. In order to reconcile that the Church was true and not think the early LDS prophets were in error, I had to do some mental gymnastics. I decided that Heavenly Father could have used artificial insemination to impregnate Mary. So I was able to breathe a sigh of relief, quite pleased with myself for resolving the issue, at least in my own mind. If anyone had told me that I, as a Mormon, believed that Jesus was conceived through a physical union of God the Father and Mary I would have denied it. But if it had been pointed out that the plain sense of LDS teachings meant exactly that, I would have had no choice but to re-examine  my faith and decide if I was going to believe what our Church’s prophets taught or what the Bible taught.

When I was LDS I didn’t have a problem with people asking me about my beliefs, faith, practices, or about Mormon doctrines. I was happy to discuss these things, even with people who didn’t understand or agree. I wasn’t offended when someone opened up the Bible and showed me passages that seemed to refute Mormon doctrine. It was only offensive when someone seemed more concerned about proving me wrong than about the state of my soul; or when someone brought up a uniquely Mormon doctrine in the most inflammatory way, like, “You believe God committed incest with Mary, his spirit-daughter.” It was an ugly and unkind way to bring up the subject, and certainly threw cold water on what could otherwise have been thoughtful discourse.

My friends, please listen. Whether you’re a Christian trying to talk to your Mormon friends and neighbors, or passing out literature outside an LDS Temple; or a Mormon trying to engage your evangelical roommate or co-worker in a religious conversation, use language that invites thoughtful discussion. You can study other religions and learn a great deal about them, but when it comes to talking to an individual follower of that religion, realize that he or she might not fit into some neat little theological box. Be earnest. Ask questions.  Show you care. Better to say, “It’s my understanding that Mormon doctrine states x,y,z…,” than to say, “You believe that (fill-in-the-blank)…”

If you want to win souls, show your concern. If you want to win an argument, join a debate club.

 

photo credit: uoɹɐɐ via photopin cc

Jun 192014
 

I need to elaborate on the last paragraph of Part 1.  There are times when it just isn’t possible to leave the LDS Church, as much as one might like to. It’s easy to tell someone, “Well, if you don’t believe it’s true, just leave;” another thing quite entirely when the person’s circumstances are complicated. I’ll admit that I used to see this issue as black and white. In my zeal I would have pounded the pulpit and said, “Truth at all costs. You can’t support the Church when it’s clearly false!” Now, I’m not so hasty.

In my case I had the support of my husband, even though he wasn’t ready to leave the Church at the time. But what is a person supposed to do when their spouse threatens to divorce them, or worse, to divorce them and seek full custody of the children? What do they do if they’re in their senior year at BYU and will get expelled if they leave the Church)? What should a person do if they’re employed by the LDS Church and are within a couple years of retirement? Should they quit at age 55 or 60 even though it will mean possibly starting over as a Wal-Mart door-greeter?

These are tough questions with no easy answers. I don’t think we can make judgments about the character of those who stay in the Church to save their marriages or keep their children. We can’t point our fingers and accuse them of caring more about family or career or education than they do about their relationship with God. That would be unfair and unkind. I wouldn’t encourage them to live under of false pretenses, but to find a way to be able to express and practice their real beliefs. If necessary, a person can leave Mormonism without leaving the Mormon Church, at least while his or her spouse comes to terms with the situation.

I also firmly believe that if the person has come to what’s often referred to as “saving faith” in Jesus Christ of the Bible, God will provide a way for him or her to be able to live authentically. He will give wisdom, courage, and guidance. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. If you are in a difficult circumstance like one of those above, I encourage you to trust God, lean on him, stay prayerful, read the Bible for strength and comfort, and follow his leading. Do what you can to work toward a mutually acceptable solution with your TBM (True-Blue Mormon) spouse to accomodate a dual-faith relationship or family.

When I speak of spiritual pragmatists, I’m not referring to people in difficult circumstances with painful decisions to make. I’m speaking about people who know something is false or wrong, but stay with it for the sake of convenience. It “works” for them so why stir the pot? This brings me back to my brother-in-law and the woman from my former ward. They admitted to not believing the Church is true; but in Fast & Testimony Meetings, Family Home Evenings, and at other times in front of their children, grandchildren, relatives, and LDS friends they can still be heard declaring,

“I know the Church is true. I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet. And I know the Church is being led by true prophets and apostles today.”

Essentially, they are lying, and it seems like they justify those lies through pragmatism:

“The Church might not be true, but it gives a good framework for my family to live within.”

Don’t they realize that their spouses and kids look up to them and depend on them, not only for physical protection, but spiritual protection as well? Do they not see that their loved ones trust them—trusting and believing their very words—and they aren’t even speaking truth? How tragic. They “go from bad to worse, deceiving others and being deceived themselves” (2 Timothy 3:13).

When I was a devout Latter-day Saint, I held to the “correspondence theory” of truth (and still do). I thought that the Church was true because I trusted that the information given to me by Mormon leaders corresponded with the facts.

For example; I was taught that Joseph Smith, Jr. found plates of gold along with a device—like spectacles of some sort—known as the Urim and Thummim (referred to in the Bible, Exodus 28:30). He ostensibly put on these spectacles, which were attached to a breastplate, and carefully pored over each character etched on the plates until the proper meaning appeared, and this is how the Book of Mormon was translated.

Furthermore, I was taught that the 11 witnesses to the Book of Mormon saw the gold plates and handled them. So, along with the good feelings I received when praying to know if the Church was true, my beliefs were based on what LDS leaders, teachers, and Church manuals said happened. I had no reason to believe the Church was not being forthright about its history and origins.

Eventually I discovered that Smith did not use any such device as the Urim and Thummim, but rather used a stone he found while digging a well. He placed this stone in his hat, put his face into the hat, and dictated words to a scribe. Additionally I learned that the so-called witnesses to the Book of Mormon never saw the gold plates with their physical eyes, as implied in seminary, Sunday school, and over the pulpit; but with their “spiritual eyes” (in other words, their imaginations). And whatever it was they handled, or “hefted” as church literature says, was covered by a cloth. For all anyone knows they could have lifted a box of rocks.

When I discovered that what I was taught didn’t correspond with reality, I could no longer in good conscience remain a participant in such an organization

I agree with the Mormon 11th Article of Faith, which states: “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” I do not insist that others believe as I do, just as I would not want others insisting I believe as they do. What I want is transparency in religious institutions so that the members and/or investigators can make informed choices. Not everyone wants to be pragmatic about their spiritual walk. Many individuals want an authentic relationship with God, and I am one of them. Truth does indeed matter and is too precious to be pragmatic about.

This is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent (John 17:3).

 

<Return to Part 1>

The Pitfalls of Spiritual Pragmatism Part 1

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Jun 102014
 

I noticed something interesting when I mow the lawn. I tend to mow like I vacuum. Conversely, my husband tends to vacuum like he mows. I was pushing the lawn mower back and forth as if I was sucking up dirt from a carpet, and two things occurred to me. First, maybe it isn’t my shapely legs that neighbors stare at when I’m doing yard work. Maybe they’re wondering why that nutty woman is “vacuuming” her lawn with a Toro Super Recycler Personal Pace Mower; and second, there could be a spiritual application at play.

The grass was getting cut, but not very efficiently. When my husband vacuums (rare occasion), he’ll go up and down the length of the room in nice little rows, which—in my opinion—doesn’t get all the dust up. It takes going back and forth over the same area from different angles to ensure all the dust and allergens are getting picked up. So why do we mow and vacuum like we do? Because it’s what we’re used to and it works; maybe not so efficiently, but for the most part the job gets done. When someone suggests a better way, our first inclination is that our way is good enough.

However, what if “good enough” isn’t the best way to do something? More to the point, what if “good enough” is actually detrimental? For example, getting grades of C’s and B’s (good enough) won’t get a person into an Ivy League school. Daily exercise (good enough) won’t keep people healthy if they smoke, drink excessively, or include a lot of sugar and processed foods in their diets. Doing only what it takes to get by results in mediocrity and in some cases failure.

Often people are just as pragmatic about spiritual matters as they are about household chores. In other words, if it works it’s good enough. When asked how he could reconcile the problems of Mormonism—historical revisions, doctrinal changes, and other evidence against its veracity—a former brother-in-law of mine said something to this effect: “It doesn’t matter to me. Those things don’t matter to me. Membership in the Church works for my family.”

Shortly after I left Mormonism, a woman from the ward came over to try to convince me to come back. I explained to her my reasons for leaving and why I could no longer believe the Church was true. Exasperated, she finally said, “Look, I don’t really believe the Church is true either, but it’s good for my kids and my husband. It helps them think right.”

Now, I don’t know exactly what she meant by “It helps them think right,” but I don’t think I would be too far off by presuming she meant that “Mormonism works” for her family. It works by giving structure and a sense of purpose to its members, rules to govern themselves by, and accountability. Those are good things, right? Well….not so fast. Many harmful groups and philosophies offer structure, purpose, rules, and accountability. Street gangs, for instance. Communism. Fascism. Radical Islam. Fundamentalist polygamist sects like the one headed by Warren Jeffs.

Structure, purpose, rules, and accountability are only as beneficial or good as the source imposing them. Responsible, loving parents; honest local governments; ethical businesses; educational systems that encourage freedom of thought and expression are examples of positive and constructive ways in which the preceding attributes can be used. When used to impose control, restrict freedom, demand conformity, gain allegiance, and induce fear, they become tactics that destroy personal growth, choice, and responsibility.

At its root, pragmatism is little more than an outward expression of the end justifying the means. Obviously, there are times we must deal with an issue pragmatically. If something is broken around the house, sometimes we just have to “Jimmy-Rig” it until a more permanent or better solution presents itself. But when pragmatism becomes the primary method by which we run our lives, we leave ourselves open to error. My former brother-in-law and my friend were making salient decisions affecting their eternal lives based on pragmatic views:

“So what if the Church isn’t what it claims to be. At least it teaches good things.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s false. It works for me and mine.”

Let’s see how well that philosophy works in secular matters:

“So what if it’s a scam. 20 cents on every dollar actually goes to help people.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s dishonest. It helps my family be better off.”

If something isn’t what it claims to be, it’s phony. It doesn’t matter if “good things” come from it. By knowingly participating in something untrue, you are supporting deception. Think of it this way, can counterfeit money be used for good? Yes. It can buy food for the hungry, pay a poor person’s utility bill, and put gas in a struggling college student’s car. I don’t know how widespread a problem counterfeiting is, but probably the majority of people passing on the fake bills don’t even know it’s counterfeit. But what about the counterfeiters? They know it’s wrong. They might ease their consciences through rationalization, but ultimately they realize if they are caught they will go to prison. Or maybe they’ve gotten away with doing it for so long they actually believe they’re contributing to society by stimulating the economy.

My friends please listen. There are people in churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples all over the world who are there for pragmatic reasons. Many individuals—the religious and the unreligious—join groups or organizations because it’s the practical thing to do. It could be family tradition, convenience, appearances, making connections, politics, or to simply feel good about themselves. Each of us needs to examine our affiliations and see what they are resting on, especially in regard to worldviews and spiritual pursuits. You might look for answers to the following questions:

  • What is the origin of this church organization (the one I go to or the one I’m considering)?
  • What was the general character of its founder(s)?
  • What do they teach about God, Jesus, salvation, and the Bible?
  • Does the organization require membership as the basis for living eternally with God?
  • Do their claims align with the facts, insofar as they’re able to be verified?
  • Do the leaders discourage questioning?
  • Does leadership deny or minimize wrongdoing when the evidence shows otherwise?

If the answers demonstrate reason for concern, do further research. If the evidence points to falsehood, deception, or serious error, it’s time to leave. How important to you is truth? Make a self-evaluation. Consider what message you’re giving your children and grandchildren by choosing spiritual pragmatism. It’s like saying that being part of the club is more important than personal integrity, that convenience is more important than honor, and that self-gratification is of more value than worshiping God “in spirit and in truth” (John 4:24).

 

<Continued in Part 2>

May 312014
 

Our eighth child just graduated from high school. It was a time of celebration. Family came from out of town to support and encourage him. We held an open house for friends to drop by and congratulate our son. The weekend of the events at the high school and our house flew by quickly, and our son—now a man—is getting ready to go to college. To guests (especially those who haven’t had a child graduate) the whole affair seemed pretty simple: watching a ceremony at the school and lunch with punch at the house. However, behind the scenes a lot of preparation went into graduation weekend.

In the months leading up to graduation, senior pictures, caps and gowns, and invitations had to be ordered. The last few weeks of the school year were filled with programs to attend, like band and choir concerts, the senior breakfast, and graduation rehearsal. Here at home we had to get ready to receive company. We had to make sure there were enough groceries for extended family that would be staying for days. We needed food and beverage for the open house. Besides cleaning and scrubbing, dusting, sweeping, mopping, and mowing the lawn, there was decorating and setting up extra chairs. We wanted people to feel comfortable and welcome in our home, and we wanted our son to be able to rejoice in his accomplishment without having to worry about all the details. After all, he put 12 years of effort into his education; now it was time for him to take a short breather before stepping into the next level of life responsibility.

As I consider our recent experience with our son, I’m reminded of the parable of the unrighteous steward in Luke 16. It was reported to a wealthy business owner that the manager he employed was squandering his money, so he called the man in to give an accounting, telling him that he was going to lose his job. The manager was alarmed. He was too old for manual labor and too proud to go begging, and became extremely concerned about how he was going to earn a living. He quickly went to all the people who owed his boss commodities and told them to write out a bill of payment for half the amount they owed. Thus by doing them this favor, the manager was ingratiating himself so that when he lost his job he would have connections in the job market. His boss actually applauded him for his quick thinking and shrewdness. After telling this parable to his disciples, Jesus commented that people of the world, in secular endeavors, were much wiser than “the children of light” (the redeemed; those who know God).

In our own lives we take great care to attend to our secular responsibilities and cultural traditions, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But do we take the same care and concern over spiritual matters by attending to Kingdom business? Are we walking the walk or just giving lip service to God? Do we sweep out bad habits and mop up our mistakes? Do we dust the cobwebs of impure thoughts from our minds? Do we make a conscious effort to scrub our hands clean of wrongdoing? Are we making sure we have spiritual nourishment? Do we “set out extra chairs” to invite others into our hearts, making them feel like welcome guests in our lives?

One day there will be a great celebration and time of rejoicing for those who have been redeemed from death and hell, and while we don’t earn our redemption by working for it, there is still much preparation to be engaged in. We prepare our hearts and minds through trusting (faith), prayer, study, and living godly lives. Jesus made disciples, not converts. A disciple imitated the walk of his master. If we desire to imitate Jesus, we would do well to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our soul, and all our mind foremost; and secondly to love our neighbor as ourselves. Then we will have great reason to rejoice indeed when we enter into His presence!

God’s Best for Us

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May 022014
 

Would you trade all of your possessions for a billion dollars? Seriously. Consider your house, closet full of clothes, car(s), furniture, exercise equipment, and whatever; just your material possessions. Let’s make it ten billion dollars. I think most of us—at least here in the United States—would gladly do it in a heartbeat. When we consider the possibilities of what we could do with all the money we wouldn’t think twice. I look at my dented minivan that needs a couple thousand dollars worth of repairs, my small older home that needs probably ten thousand dollars in repairs, my not-so-stylish clothes, and appliances that are on the brink of going out; you bet I’d trade it for a billion. Heck, I’d trade all that for a million! In fact (can I be frank?), I’d trade it for half a million.

Some people are content with what they have and where they’re at. I read an article not too long ago about a family that sold their upper-middleclass house in the suburbs, bought some land, and built a 600 square foot home to live in with their four kids. (They’re a little “different”). Contentment is good. It’s good to be happy and thankful for what we have. A lot of unhappiness can be generated when we focus on the things that we don’t have.

However, this post isn’t about learning to be content (a lesson for another time). It’s about the idea that many of us have a lot of “junk” in our lives that we hold onto; junk that we don’t even need. No, I’m not referring to hoarding. I’m referring to leaning on our own wisdom and understanding to get what we want for ourselves instead of what God wants for us. He’s not concerned as much about our comfort as He is about our character. It’s a scary thing. It shouldn’t be, but for many of us it is.

So, let’s get back to the billion dollars. By way of analogy, we can only imagine the riches of God’s kingdom. Not only material riches—although His kingdom will be filled with beauty and wealth—but spiritual riches. From Genesis we learn that God walked in the Garden of Eden “at the time of the evening breeze” (3:8, CJB). Adam enjoyed fellowship with God before his fall. A time is coming when people can once again be in God’s presence. But we can get so caught up in the here and now that we lose sight of the long-term. We’re essentially passing up the offer of a billion dollars (spiritually speaking) to hang onto our little pile of junk.

Yeshua told his disciples these parables:

The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. A man found it, hid it again, then in great joy went and sold everything he owned, and bought that field.

Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for fine pearls. On finding one very valuable pearl he went away, sold everything he owned and bought it (Matthew 13:44-45).

We make our own plans, dream our own dreams, make goals to achieve great accomplishments, and that’s all well and good; but do we invite God to give us His input? Do we ask Him to direct us? And when He does, do we argue with Him or do we lay down our desires for His?

I was disappointed (for a time) that Donny Osmond didn’t date me or ask me to marry him, but God had better plans. I felt bad (for a while) that I didn’t become rich and famous, but God had better plans. I always dreamed of being able to sing as well as Sandi Patty, to write a best seller, to speak in front of a thousand people, to change the lives of multitudes like Billy Graham or Mother Theresa; but God had better plans. I always wanted a country-style home with a white picket fence, a wrap-around porch, and a pigmy goat and some chickens on a couple acres, but God had better plans.

I don’t have a lot of money, a large house, or fame and fortune. I can’t sing like Sandi Patty; in fact most of the time my voice sounds like sand and putty. I haven’t influenced multitudes or became anyone “noteworthy.” I haven’t achieved greatness; at least as the world defines it. I’m not the Super Hero I always longed to be. I can’t help but think of the intro to the old cartoon “Under Dog” (my favorite as a child);

“What’s that up in the air? Is it a bird? Is a plane? Is it a frog?”

“No; it’s just little ole’ me: Under Dog!”

I might sometimes feel like an underachiever, but God has better plans for me than I have for myself. I have ten awesome children. What a blessing they are to me! I have a wonderful husband who adores me. I have the best ex-husband a woman could ever want (he adores me too). I didn’t write a best seller, but I published my testimony of how God redeemed me. I haven’t changed the world, but I’ve made a difference in the lives of some individuals.

If I had never tasted poverty, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate abundance. If I never experienced rejection, I wouldn’t have known what true friends are like. If I never felt sorrow, could I have known joy? Real wealth is not found in the amount of things in your possession, but in the love shared in relationships with family and friends. 

No, God isn’t as concerned about our comfort as he is about our character. Our experiences shape us, but they don’t define us. You can choose to go your way or you can choose to go God’s way. You can hold on to your “junk” (bitterness, jealously, envy, unforgiveness, pride, and ambition to acquire worldly fame and fortune), or you can trade it for God’s best. His best for us is rarely easy; but it’s necessary for our ultimate happiness. One cannot serve both God and mammon. Who and what will you serve?

Keep the Innocence; Ditch the Naivety

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Apr 152014
 

I clearly remember the thrill of moving to Provo, Utah. The air was crisp and clean, the mountains like towering monuments adorned with nature’s accessories, and the sky above them was stunningly blue in sharp contrast to the Southern California “haze” I was used to. Life was good and sweet. A sense of expectation hung in the air, like every resident was on the verge of something big; yet at the same time serenity permeated the very fabric of the local geography. Living in Provo—at least in the 1970’s—was like living in a time capsule; it seemed that despite its effort the world couldn’t pierce this “Leave it to Beaver” biodome nestled snugly between “Y-Mountain” and Utah Lake.

Every family has a “crazy uncle”—or so they say—and the quaint city of Provo had one too. Perhaps the only oddity that reminded residents of life’s harsh realities was a man whom teenagers had nicknamed “Psyches.” No one knew how old the man was; he looked about 70, but was probably only 50; and he traversed the sidewalks as briskly as a 20-year-old power-walker. He was tall and lanky, wore a plaid flannel shirt, and always had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. A worn-out ball cap covered his forehead. All you could see of his face were his lips, talking to some imaginary companion. The story went that he was at one time a professor; a genius specializing in some kind of brainy subject like quantum physics. One day something snapped and he went crazy, becoming an indigent who walked the streets day and night like a restless phantom. I could picture parents warning their children, “This is what happens when you smoke.”

One of Provo’s main attractions (well, I suppose in a town of 75,000 at the time, it’s only attraction) was Brigham Young University. I loved spending my time on campus as a teenager, and later as an adult. I loved the bookstore, bowling alley, Movie Theater, and cafeteria in the Wilkinson Center. It was great! The bookstore had an old fashioned candy counter with dozens of delicacies encased behind glass. Also on campus was “the creamery,” where ice cream made from fresh cream, produced by fresh BYU cows was sold by freshly groomed smiling college students. It was a happy place.

But even in Provo, if you looked hard enough, there was a dark side. One time I was riding my bike and a man in a pick-up truck began following me. I got scared and rode up to the house of a stranger as if I had intended to bike there all along. When a woman opened the door I told her someone was following me and asked if I could come in and call my mother to pick me up. The woman invited me into the safety of her home, while the man in the truck parked across the street waiting. When my parents pulled into the driveway, the creepy man drove away. I was too afraid to go biking alone after that.

For all the happy smiles, hearty handshakes, and helpful inhabitants, there was a minority of those who were excluded from the pleasantries; people who just didn’t fit in. Who were the individuals on the fringe? Not people like “Old Man Psyches,” although he was certainly on the fringe. It was people who wouldn’t seem that much different from anybody else in California, New York, or Main Street USA. But they were different from the majority in Provo, Utah. Guys with long hair, smokers, drinkers, women in sleeveless shirts, inactive members of the (LDS) Church, atheists, Christians—simply put, people who didn’t quite fit the mold of the general population. My mom and dad became a couple of Provo’s misfits after they stopped attending the Ward. And I’m ashamed to say that I engaged in a sort of discrimination too, as you’ll read in my book. There was a time when I looked down at smokers, drinkers, guys with long hair, men sporting an earring, people with tattoos, Jack Mormons and a list of others.

Lest anyone think I’m pointing a finger at Mormons or Utahans, not at all! Through experience, maturity (I hope), and exposure to circles outside my own, I’ve found that prejudice, pride, and being judgmental is not exclusive to any one group of people. I think probably 99% of the population is guilty of these behaviors at some point in their lives. You’ll find people of every religious persuasion (including atheists) who discriminate against others or are critical and unkind.

Conversely, you’ll find stellar people of outstanding character in Mormonism, Catholicism, Protestantism, Judaism, atheism…goodness, the list could go on! The Jewish sages say that man is born with a “good inclination” (the yetzer tov) and an “evil inclination” (the yetzer ra).[1] The yetzer tov is characterized by selflessness; while the yetzer ra is characterized by selfishness.

I’ve heard the following tale many times:

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. 

He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The other is Good – It is peace, love, hope, humility, compassion, and faith.” 

The grandson thought about this for a while and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” 

To which the old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

It’s easy to become cynical. As we experience disappointment, heartache, failure, pain, and loss; or as we watch the news and are confronted with war, poverty, crime, and disaster; many of us lose our “innocence,” that sense of awe and wonder at just being alive. If we’re not careful we can develop the very characteristics we once despised: being critical, scornful, or arrogant. So, what is the answer?

Keep or recover our innocence; being careful to not be naïve. Innocence is that same expectation I felt when I moved to Provo at age 14. It’s looking at others and seeing the good in them. It’s expecting that good things are going to happen. It’s the confidence that you can make a difference in the lives of others. It’s understanding our personal responsibility for “tikkun olam,” repairing the world. And even though as individuals we can’t repair the whole world, we can repair the world around us, starting in our homes. We can make efforts to repair broken relationships. We can reach out to a neighbor in need. We can let someone else take the good parking spot. We can let a person back out of a space instead of zooming around them. We can smile at a scowling store clerk. We can look past offenses (real or perceived) and forgive.

Conversely, it would be naïve to ignore problems or believe that none exist; or to not take precautions in unknown or uncertain circumstances. Or to believe that every single person we meet will have our best interests at heart. What did the Master, Yeshua, say? “Look! As I send you out, it is like sending sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes but as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16, The Delitzsch Hebrew Gospels). It’s imperative we are wise to what’s going on around us and to respond appropriately. And in the way we respond we must check ourselves to make sure our motives are blameless.

Are you out for retaliation? Are you trying to return hurt for hurt? Do you respond to insult with insult? Let me ask you my friend; is that how you want to live? Bitterness and unforgiveness are destroyers of peace. They fester like infected wounds and end up destroying the soul. Nelson Mandela once said that “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

Look around you. What matrix are you living in? Is it one of innocence or one of malice? One of resentment or one of reverence? Are you pursuing peace or pursuing punishment? Evaluate yourself. Take an honest look. Feed “the Good Wolf”—the yetzer tov—and you will be set free.



[1] Article on human nature from Jewish or Hebrew perspective: http://www.jewfaq.org/human.htm